There’s this phenomenon with creative types where they need to keep themselves going.  That’s to say, when everything around them is crushing or there’s little to be excited or have faith in but something keeps them going.  Fuels them.

I’ll explain what I mean in the form of a story:
Nearly a year ago, I finally graduated from college.  When I left, I was flown out to Nashville by Devon and Golriz of the fantastic site SoulPancake.com to work on content and help them manage their volunteer work force.  While there, I saw Dev’s drive and passion for the site.  He stayed up until two in the morning to make sure work was edited and ready for release the next day and pushed himself to wake up early to witness each posts response.

At some point, I thought I might be able to get a job out of SoulPancake.  That I’d be able to, eventually, earn some money from editing or some such work. When I first arrived in Nashville the prospect of a job was suggested to Devon.  He told me that he absolutely expected SoulPancake to earn money, that it would have cash flow from sponsors and other avenues within the next few months and that I would be one of the first to get paid.  This pushed me to do everything I could for the site.  The problem was, it didn’t happen.

Before I left, I wanted to know that this job possibility was still there.  On my second to last day I had a conversation with Golriz about their situation.  In the shadow of their trampoline, she told me that while she had complete faith in Devon and the growth seen on the site, it would be irresponsible to believe that she’d be paid.  After all, the economy wasn’t doing well and advertisers weren’t giving money out to everyone.

I eventually asked why she and Devon pushed themselves so hard if they knew it wouldn’t produce any monetary fruit and she explained that Devon had to.  If he didn’t believe that, eventually, things would work out the site would invariably never have been made or launched.  If he didn’t have faith that writers were talented and capable, it would have been a similar situation.  It was his faith and blind hope that drove the site, and now, it’s remarkably successful with a book on the way.

That might be a difficult concept for a lot of people to understand.  Throwing yourself headlong into a project with the knowledge that it could blow up in your face isn’t logical.  It’s the opposite.  And yet, I’m doing it right now.

I’ve been working on this graphic novel fr the last four months.  I’ve pushed myself by looking at a 6-page short comic I wrote as my motivation thinking, “if this 6-pager is published, publishers will read it and be more likely to give me a change.”  And it kept me going.  I wrote the 6-pager and, when it was done and edited, focused again on the graphic novel.  Now, two chapters in, things have started to fall apart.

There are problems with the artist, and I’m not sure if he’ll finish any of the work he agreed to. I spent two days wallowing in self-pity, talking with Lindsay about how horrible things were and how I should just give up, but somewhere inside me a loud voice responded, “Write the damn thing.”  Despite the anger that I deservedly feel, I want to continue.  I have to.  If I don’t stick my fingers in my ears and shout everything will be drowned out by the overwhelming prospect of failure.  And failure will not happen.  I don’t care if this 6-page story isn’t published.  I’ll try a different venue and a different artist.  I don’t care if the first six publishers shoot down the 6-pager and the graphic novel because someone, eventually, will read it and recognize what I’m trying to do.

Is it egotistical to think this way?  Of course it is.  But, really, there’s nothing else I or nearly anyone else with a dream can do but think we’re awesome and capable and that our idea is worth it.  Because, without that ego, we would sit in cubicles like I used to and bemoan the opportunity we let split.  And I’ve already spent six years in cubicles, working at jobs I had no desire to be doing.  It’s time to buckle down.  My stories will be published, dammit.  Not because I think so, but because they’re pretty damned good.  And when that day comes, I’ll feel vindicated for all my slamming into walls and verbose prose and pontifications.

This is what creative people have to do to keep themselves sane and get work done, put on the blinders, have faith in yourself, and hope.

This derailment doesn’t mean I won’t be writing about the book I’ve been working on or the process, it just means that I’ll be focusing on getting healthy – I’m on the road – before dedicating myself.  It’s not what I wanted, but what ever is?

With all that said, I just want to tell whomever it is that reads this blog that I’m doing better and should be blogging consistently this week; also, writing a script for a book.  That’s it for now.  Night eastern hemisphere!

Lost has, since immediately after season 1, completely gone off the rails. I don’t mean that in the sense that story or suspense has become too much or purposefully attempted to jump any sharks. What I mean is that people’s obsession with the show has gone from any other show to obsession. People have decided that instead of remembering that it is entertainment to it becoming a very large part of their lives. This, I cannot understand.

I live for stories. I thrive when I hear them, I feel energized when I’m writing them, and Lost is a fantastic example of what great storytelling can become. But they’re just that: stories. They mean only as little or as much as we put into them.

At first, the show was simply a show. The show runners didn’t seem to think of it as anything more than that. That is, until the internet showed them what they were missing. Bloggers began aggregating hypothesis and considering establishing a conference for like minded Lost fans to talk and pontificate. This show became more about questions and thoughts than simply storytelling with questions and answers.

It’s at this moment, I surmise, that the writers and producers realized they could have a goliath on their hands. They jumped at the chance to feed those bloggers, to create a podcast that spawned other podcasts, and helped to create what was called the ‘Lost Experience’, an adjoining product that would provide depth to the Lost universe.

As a money making venture Lost became a powerhouse, but as a story it ebbed and flowed. There was a time during season 3 that the show lost much of it’s fanbase and viewership. Viewers claimed the show, the storyline and not any adjoining material, became watered down, and opted for different programming. Me? I was one of those.

Mostly because I became restless and annoyed with how the story seemed to have taken a back seat to melodrama instead of the complaints that there were “too many questions, not enough answers”. In that exodus, I was with the first camp. But the show improved. I picked up where I left off, watching what I missed commercial-free, and the show became great again. How did it become great? It returned to the structure that producer J.J. Abrams so lauds: the Mystery Box Model.

Abrams believes that there’s something innately delicious in not knowing something and wanting to learn. He plays with our tendency toward discovery and fascination with the unknown and it paid off. Just as the show began with questions, the show continued with questions. However, as mentioned above, there was a large camp of people who loathed the massing questions. They cried out when new questions were unveiled and no answers were provided. Their impatience was understandable, after all, because the mystery box had begun encompassing and bleeding into all media.

Last season the show was able to pump out not only answers to questions but a sustained rise and fall structure that made viewing it like reading a mystery novel. I reveled in the questions, trying to piece things together, and the season finale was one of the most inventive cliffhangers every conceived; something the show is well known for.

I’m a fan of the questions, and sometimes I like to think about them while I watch the show and devise my own answers; knowing full well I’ll probably be wrong. This season, my viewing experience changed. I started watching it for what it was, recognizing that it’s just a television show, albeit a brilliantly choreographed one, and enjoying it simply for that. Mostly, my analytic brain was turned off and I thought about the storytelling that was being presented to me. And it was great. It picked off directly where it left off. Not only do I feel the intensity from the season finale, it’s been ratcheted up.

And now I’m left with the complaints that people have. Those vocal watchers who say “enough is enough” with the questions, and why do Jack, Kate, and Sawyer continue to follow blindly what the Others say based only on trust like the analogues people refuse to draw obvious connections to? To those things I say, calm down. Most of you complain as if your voice are the only ones heard by producers. Sure, there are plenty of you angry but there are just as many, if not more, that love the show and will continue watching because they value it as entertainment, entertainment that they can control. Because they remember that they have the ability to turn the tv off.

There have been many conversations and folks sent my way by way of conversations with folks that have lead me to understand, a bit, of what I’ll need to do in order to present myself before Hollywood. In case there’s confusion, I’ll get you up to speed. I am getting married. Then, we will be moving to L.A. While there, I will need to support my new wife, so I’m looking to accelerate my career path instead of working my tail off on comic books, in hopes that I will eventually be able to break into television. (I liked my approach, but what are you going to do; life makes changes for us, doesn’t it)

With that gobbledegook of a paragraph out of me I’ll give you the plan. Right now, I’m writing a half-hour comedy script. When I’m done with that, I’ll need to write a half-hour cartoon and hour long drama script. Once I’m done with that, I’ll need to purchase what a friend of mine has called “balls” and present said scripts in meetings where I’ll need to use the twin guns of life: confidence (boarding on cockiness) and humility.

At this point, I feel like I have humility. I don’t know what I’m doing and am willing to do anything and ask anyone a plethora of questions to help me along the way. And as far as confidence, well, I can fake it!

Hooray! Give me a job, please.

My editors, who I value as friends and bosses, and the higher-ups have made several comments on script drafts that left me baffled. The first of these comments was “a 12- to 15- year-old isn’t going to know the word ‘tithing’”. Well sure they don’t. They don’t because no one has presented that word to them, but if we do, right now, they’re going to figure it out.

Tweens and children today are more resourceful than I ever was growing up. I say that because of ease of access to knowledge. When I was 13, I’d have to grab the encyclopedia or have my parents drop me off at the library, I was that kid, to learn about Iran’s history and cultural significance or to look at art from Japan. Today, kids can sit down at a computer, or their iPhones, and look things up on Wikipedia. Information is so easy to access that new laws are being created every day to prevent our children from accessing the vast amounts of smut on the net. V-chips and parental controls and…well, I’ve gone off topic.

The point here is that if you present a word like “tithing” and offer a short explanation or implied meaning, kids are going to figure it out. And if they don’t figure it out, they’ll go to dictionary.com and look it up; or, they’ll ask their parents; which should happen a lot more, in my opinion, than occurs right now.

Another example is that an editor told me tweens wouldn’t understand the concept of guilt in relation to giving to the poor. But I submit that they do. Unless these children are living in an area with no poverty (I don’t know that such a place exists) or homeless, they’re going to see beggars. And what’s more, seeing beggars allows parents to explain a myriad of things to their children. Off the top of my head: guilt, pity, compassion, love, generosity, several religious stories (if you go that route), and mental illness – ignoring, one would hope, the need for “lessons” on how not to become poor or using them as an example of who is “worthless” as one parent I walked by yesterday put it. Those are important things to learn if you’re growing up. (Truthfully, it wasn’t until I was around 10 or so that I saw my first beggar and I felt awful. It took a conversation with my dad about love and compassion on how to sort out the heft of the emotions I was feeling.)

These kids understand these experiences, they’ve had them. Sure, it might be more simplistic than we might look at it and their sphere of experience is vastly smaller, but they understand the concept. Sociologists have been studying the pit-of-the-stomach feeling children have when they see a homeless person for years and they seem to come to the same conclusion, those children feel terrible. They feel as though they should do something to help that homeless person and that turning away feels even worse. Its important for someone, us if parents don’t, to address these emotions. If we or parents don’t, this leaves our children stunted and confused as to what they should do the next time they see a homeless or downtrodden person. These are things that are imperative for everyone to learn and understand as early in their progression as possible.

My little sister isn’t so little anymore. At 15 she’s learning to drive, enjoying her first summer after her freshman year of high school, and feeling the pull of adulthood. Sure, she might be a tad more mature than some of the other girl’s her age and she may have read more complex books at an early age than other kids her age but that’s because we, and she, pushed her(self). We suggested books that I read in high school and she read them in junior high, books I read in college and she’s reading them right now.

Perhaps this is a direct result of seeing what her older brother and sister are reading or talking about and wanting to be part of that world but I think the real reason is her desire to understand things more quickly than we do right now. We’re growing a generation of incredibly quick kids. They understand concepts faster and with more ease than any generation before them and that must be fostered. If not, they’ll hit a wall and delve into a world of confusing concepts that they may actually not be ready for like sex, drugs, adultery, and that gnashing sound of bills and a lack of funds and concern about pay. These are subjects that they may not, or may I don’t know, be ready for, and that’s where we should draw the line.

Obviously, twitter has been incredible. I’m following some tapped in folks, all relaying information the second they receive it; I’ll usually retweet was fascinates me.
Aside from using the twitter hash-tag search, twazzup does a fantastic job of aggregating all the pertinent tweets, minute-by-minute.
Another great aggregated source is The Lede from the New York Times. They’ve updating their feed every few minutes with comments, quotes, and information. An excerpt:

As we noted on The Lede last week, a source in Tehran told us that of 20 people surveyed at a large opposition rally in south Tehran last Thursday, not one of them said they had heard about it through Twitter. For all the discussion by bloggers and journalists outside Iran of the way the micro-blogging service has helped to inform the rest of the world about opposition protests over the past two weeks, the tool seems to have been less important inside Iran, where many people have heard about rallies through text messaging on cellphones or simple word of mouth.

Still, since so many bloggers and journalists have been glued to Twitter feeds that appear to be coming from inside Iran, it is interesting to read this analysis by a company called Sysomos, which concluded that, of Iran’s 65 million citizens, “there are now 19,235 Twitter users in Iran, compared with 8,654 in mid-May.”

If you’re looking for some interesting reads from various sites, I’ve been adding links to my del.icio.us stream (found on the bottom right of this page), so watch that as well.

Also, if y’all aren’t already aware of Current.tv, jump on over there.  With tons of facinating things ranging from documentaries to essays, news stories to articles about the world around us.  For someone transfixed on the outside world, sometimes ignoring the world in front of them, this site is perfect.

Off to the races.  Be well, readership!

To give y’all an example:

Fifty People, One Question: London from Crush + Lovely on Vimeo.

Be well, viewership!

The New York Times and CNN are reporting that Dr. Sanjay Gupta has been approached about the vacant Surgeon General position by President Elect Obama’s Transition Team.  Why does this matter?  There are two reasons: the position of Surgeon General, as well as the Secretary of Agriculture, has been mostly overlooked over the last nearly 10 years, and the man is Indian.

Care of CNN.com

First things first, the Surgeon General’s position has been largely ignored by the public and, more importantly, the media for as long as I can remember.  Not since C. Evertt Koop took a stance on cigarettes and the tobacco industry has there been a face the public can latch onto, and the reason that happened was because of his staunch belief that tobacco products were, in fact, killing people.  Now, with the possibility of Dr. Gupta, you have someone who has made it his life’s work to seriously address issues of health across the board.  Several times he’s reported on the escalating cases of both type-1 and -2 diabetes among young people and the continued growth of odd or long thought dead diseases.  Not to mention his obvious charisma and celebrity as a CNN journalist and writer for Time Magazine.  In Dr. Gupta we would have someone the public is familiar with, trusts, and might be able to focus the voters to push their state’s representatives to look into the health concerns that have been gallingly staring us in the face.

Second, and this is the big deal, the man is Indian.  INDIAN!  We would not only have a black man whom everyone recognizes and respects, but an Indian man of similar caliber.  This would be a quite a step in the right direction.  In fact, if this happens, President Obama would have the most diverse cabinet in Washington’s history.  That’s something to be proud of.  Not only for him, but for us, the voting public.  Look what we did!  We made progress.  Thank God we’re finally ready for this to happen.

I promised myself several times that I’d be fine, that I’d find the time and have things ready for clients and to present to any artists I meet, but that just hasn’t been the case.

It’s easy to just complain about it too. Moan about how life is hard and times are tough, but that’s all a lie; mostly.

Motivation’s not always easy to find. It usually doesn’t fall into your lap and tell you what it is. Usually it’s something found through failing, like happiness and bliss. I guess there’s a parallel in that somewhere. I love to write, the act of creating a story to entertain people fills me with an exhilaration I’ve never felt anywhere else, but find it difficult to bring myself to do it.

If only I could bottle it and leave if on my desk…or a framed picture. Yeah, that’ll work.