I find myself in a dip. A mounts lapse into a chasm that, to my mind, promises to swallow me whole forever. This is preposterous, mind you, as in a few hours or tomorrow I’ll be out of this lull and off to the races, working on my script again. But there needs to be something said of this dip. A voice lent to those doldrums low moments that plague so many of us. And here’s that.
Lately I’ve been reading American Lion by Jon Meacham and Player Piano by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. – this is after I finished Slaughterhouse V for the first time. My immediate reactions so far are “brilliant” and “whoa” or even interrupting my wife to tell her something that I’ve just read. These are the normal reactions when reading something that touches you, something that effects you either positively or not. Their high points in your reading but they ironically lead to low points for me.
What I mean to say is that reading something great should be a motivation but it’s not always. At times I’ll read something staggering and want nothing more then to write something in that same vein, hoping to stagger the population or something, Mark Twain might say, to shake people from their stupor; that’s not a quote, just an observation and suggestion of what Mark Twain might say. But therein, as Admiral Ackbar in his infinite online video iterations, will tell you is a trap. Because writing something with the soul purpose of knocking someone on their ass or shaking off the societal strains put on by the overbearing and misguided words of some megalomaniac man is a trap. It really can’t be done. Sure, creative writing teachers have been saying for years to “write with intention” but it doesn’t always work. If you’re like me, all too often those intentions and purposes derail the story. Making a well plotted piece a true “piece”.
But that’s not all! This same derailment can come from comments both positive or negative. Hell, someone could shower praise upon you, fill your heart with such happiness that those tasks you were loathe for in the past turn enjoyable. It won’t stop there though! You go home, a skip in your step as you ignore the intermittent rain that has annoyed you for the last week or the fact that you forgot your umbrella. Then things start to get real. You read over the review too many times. You’ve sent it to everyone in your address book in hopes that they’ll share in your glowing moment until there’s a thought that “what if I can’t live up to it?” What happens then? I’ll tell you, everything stops. You’re crippled by a moment that should have been glorious and provided you with enough boast-fuel for the next month has turned into a sprained brain.
To sum this up, there’s no way to tell whether you’re reading will effect you for better or worse. You can portend that a novel, newspaper article, or trip to the market will actually bring positive results and help you plow through a particularly difficult section of your book, script, short story, whatever. But that doesn’t mean you should fear those activities. On the contrary. I know I offered up some truly incredible points here but the fact is, they’ll only effect you for a short time. At the top I mentioned that my current funk will probably only last a few hours or the rest of the day, perhaps someone reading this will have moments where they’re unable to hit the keys for months on end. But think about it, you’re being effected by something. You’re letting it control your mind, your thinking, your life instead of breast stroke you forward. Doesn’t that boggle the mind? Doesn’t it just make you angry at how your mind has decided to process that moment or nugget of information? Stupid brain. What the hell?!
The key is, I’ve found, to harness your stupid brain and use those lull-filled moments to get you further than you thought. After all, what’s a better motivation than being annoyed with yourself? I don’t think there is anything.
So, get out there and get some writing done. Don’t let your brain win, let your brain win! Also, read this awesome review of the ‘Reading With Pictures Anthology’, including some very nice things said about yours truly.
You can’t derail me brain, moment, or book! Hancomic.com
on Sep 4th, 2010 at 4:55 pm
Hey David, yeah, I’ve gone through some similar things. There have been times when I’m reading a book that I enjoy and then suddenly I’ll be like, “Whoa, I could never write anything this good.” And then I’ll be frustrated with what seems to be an impossible mountain to climb. I try not to let that feeling last too long, though. Besides, if I’m reading a good book, I really should just enjoy it. And like you say, when it comes to my own work, just write!